Review of ClubHouse Magazine, February 2017

Warning. Contains spoilers and memes. Click the “Read More” tag to continue.

Congratulations, Clubhouse Magazine and Focus on the Family! With the 30th anniversary of ClubHouse, (which has a new logo) I thought it would be appropriate to begin reviewing my favorite magazine at this milestone.

First of all, it is awesome that it has run for thirty years. The stats on page three show that this is issue 361, and that more than 24 million issues have been printed. According to my calculations, that means that over a period of thirty years they have had 664,820 readers, not including the people who bought a magazine in the store, read one at their dentists’ office, etc.

To celebrate the thirty-year event, they have hidden thirty party hats throughout the magazine, and I will attempt to find them. I won’t give away where they are, but I found one on the cover and two on page two while writing this so I think we’re off to a good start. They promise to mail you a present if you manage to find all 30, so happy hunting!

So, let’s start with commenting on the cover. The big thing I notice is that Eugene is wearing long socks with his sandals… you know what, It’s Eugene, I’m not going to complain.
ClubHouse has a new logo! I am not sure what I think of it, I definitely think it redirects the magazine look back to the 8-12 year-old target audience. It’s pastel colors and “H” made to look like a clubhouse remind me of something made for that genre. Oh, well, that’s who it’s made for anyway. However, the H by itself when they end an article actually does look like a clubhouse so that’s pretty clever, instead of the strange “U” that I could never figure out what that was supposed to be.

For the Truth Pursuer, we have an article about what life targets God has set up for you to “aim” for. Quite honestly, I can’t ever recall reading one of these in all of the time I have had ClubHouse Magazine, and I’m not sure I’m interested in starting now. But, for the sake of this review, I did, and I am not going to comment on the theology since this is just going to be a nice reminder for us.

OK here’s where it gets fun! We have one of those quizzes, “Do you build up your siblings or are you a one man wrecking crew?”
turnout
OK so I kind of flip between the A and B.
quiz

OK the Jones and Parker Mystery story! This had better be good, it was written by Bob Hoose and he’s promised references to Morrey Rydell. You are held at higher standards, Bob!
So, I read through the case file once. The first things I notice are that Bob has painted this scene well through his writing, and the illustration by Gary Locke of Emily in the rain is actually pretty darn awesome. She looks like she’s not a Barbie or something for once. SHE LOOKS LIKE A NORMAL CHILD…
I read it through again, and I think that the criminal was Logan, because the power was off so he couldn’t have seen the heater glowing. So, I will now turn to page 19 and see the answer.
HAHAHAHA I’m right!! For once in my lifetime!! So, I give Bob points for having this line: “Valerie may be hiding something, but-“. Now I’m paranoid because I think everything points to Morrey now. The power outage?? Bob probably put nothing to do with Morrey in this story, I’m just thinking there is now, so I’m doing his job for him. I also found two more hats on these pages.

So then we get a monthly calendar. Who the heck does all the stuff on this thing!? For example, February 5th, no. Didn’t watch the Super Bowl. I have a better calendar for you guys.
February-2017-blank-calendar
So then we get this story about Jet F., and how she lives up to her name. Guess what you guys, I live up to my name too, my name is Potato, and I am very good at the sport of reviewing T.V. shows. Make an article about me!
This is a pretty cool article, triathlons must be killer. I wouldn’t know, because my name is Potato, remember?

AVERAGE BOY!! We love you so much, Bob number two (Bob Smiley)!
So, yeah, Bob always writes these great and I never have much to complain about. I will say here that there were a few months where ClubHouse tried to do a monthly theme, such as listening, or being a good sport, and when they did that Bob wasn’t able to write well, because when you confine your writers to a theme then everything is kind of weird.

Whoaa, what happened to High Voltage? I definitely liked the more contemporary logo better, and what is the green and pink color scheme with the Grilled Cheese font? I guess I’ll get used to it.
So, I have a big problem with both High Voltage and Plugged In, and it’s the fact that they never look beyond the surface of a movie. I’ll spare you my huge rant, but Zootopia was the one that killed me. They gave it four out of five plugs, because they didn’t look through the surface of the movie into all the propaganda going on there. Again, I’ll spare you the huge rant, but that was a big problem for me.

And then we get the poster for this month, it’s the cover of Album 62, but Gary Locke added a crow above Jules’ head.

They changed the news section to a newspaper thing called the “Odyssey Insider”, with the tag that says “News Club Members Can Use”. They basically have admitted that there was nothing relevant in the news section until the Odyssey Adventure Club showed up, because that used to be a stagnant advertising page for Jellytelly.com.
I’ll spare you the news that is here because I’m going to make a different post about it, and by the time you read this you’ll have heard it anyway.

So the jokes section is called Laughing Matters now… and the member questions whatever that was called section is now called Ask Away. I was worried that they got rid of Brad Walker’s art, I’m glad to see it’s still here.

OK so here’s what makes or breaks the magazine for me: the comic. I was incredibly surprised to see that it’s a comic called Degrees of Kelvin. It’s written by Jeff Gerke and illustrated by the wonderful Dennis Edwards! I was surprised because they had a news item in the Club at one point announcing that Drake the Cosmic Copper was going to be taking over the Captain Absolutely comic starting January, which they took down later. This explains why, it must have fallen through.
So… the comic begins with a bang. I just hope that everything has a plot this time, that was my only complaint with the Captain Absolutely comic. Too many villains, too many things going on. It’s really too early to tell where this comic is going to go.
The cat’s name is Fluffnark? OK then.

So this is Kungfunaomi for Odysseynerds. This might not work out, this took WAY too long, which is why I skipped some stuff. So, we’ll see if I can keep reviewing these. If you have any questions or comments, leave them in the comments below, or send us an email at Odysseynerds@mail.com. Congrats, Clubhouse, and this is Kungfunaomi reminding you to come in and nerd out at Odysseynerds!

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6 thoughts on “Review of ClubHouse Magazine, February 2017

  1. Are you guys going to send them in? I probably won’t because I’m lazy and the prize is probably like a cool pen or something like that.

    Like

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