The Odyssey Times, Vol 1, Issue 10

Excerpts from the no-longer-existent feature called The Odyssey Times.


Snow is predicted for Monday and Tuesday. More snow will fall Wednesday. Thursday will get even more snow. Friday we’ll get more of the white stuff.

Wanted: Partner to juggle with. Partner who won’t break glass. Call Sarah at 555-8412.

Needed: Day timer. Preferably with DAYS OF THE WEEK on it. See Connie at Whit’s End.

Wanted: Short-term help for Timothy Center get-together. Call Tom at 555-7844.

Needed: Ear plugs. For use during Nick Mulligan’s guitar lessons. Call Lisa at 555-5361.

Needed: Guitar lessons. Nick Mulligan. I’m pretty good, but need some expertise to guide my free artist spirit. Needed: Guitar lessons. Call Nick at 555-5361.

For Nick Mulligan. He’s pretty desperate. Call Lisa at 555-5361.

Help wanted: Build the Novacom for Kids website. Get paid to watch TV and review our programs! Call 555-NOVA.

Wanted: Personal paintings for display in Treasure Room. Exhibit locally. Call Whit’s End at 555-WHIT.

Bonanza Scratch and Dent Sale: Fireworks, some barely used! Call Electric Palace at 555-BART.

Help Wanted: Adults to supervise “Read Me a Story Time” at Mary’s Story Shop. Call the shop at 555-6279.

Needed: Judges for “freestyle standup synchronized sledding” competition on Gumper’s Hill. Call 555-8943.

Wanted: Partner to baseball with. Partner who won’t break glass. Call Alex at 555-8142.

For sale: Piece of glass from scene of famous Odyssey crime. Call Rodney at 555-8124.

Free Performance in the Park! Hamlet…with the esteemed actor Edwin Blackgaard preforming! This Saturday!

For free! Extra ice cream at Whit’s End. (We ordered too much.) Come by anytime!

Wanted: Cool name for Novacom Kids Center. We want your ideas! Call Ricky at 555-NOVA.

Needed: Models for Virtual Mingle Room. To be made into wax statues. Don’t apply unless you can stand in the same position for at least eight hours. Call Ricky at 555-NOVA.

For Sale: Banana Manny suit. In perfect condition, never used. Call Bob Larry at 555-8344.

Needed: Pencil Sharpener repair person. Mysterious object stuck in electric sharpener. Call 555-NOVA.

BTV Camera Grip. Needs to know what a “grip” is. Call Bernard at 555-8772.

Now Available at Whit’s End: Gourmet espresso. Stop by for a try!

Come to the new Bible Study. Led by Mitch and Connie. Stop by J & J Antique Gallery on Wednesday evenings.

Wanted: Partner to laugh with. Partner who won’t break glass. Call Rodney at 555-8124.

Needed: Gavel. See Connie at Whit’s End. (I know the difference between a gavel and a meat hammer.)

Needed: Homework help. Give me the address and I’ll drop it off for you to do. Call Rodney at 555-8124.

Help Wanted: Part time worker for Novacom Kids Center. Technical expertise a plus. Call Ricky at 555-NOVA.

Help Wanted: Some of the apple crop ripened early. Way early! Help pick apples. Refreshments provided. Call Tom at 555-7844.

For free! Signs that say “The W. E,” including big sign from out front. Stop by Whit’s End or call 555-9448.

Wanted: BIG band-aids. Call Hank Foufou at Foufou’s Obedience School, 555-6578.

Coming soon! Free performances of the greatest works of Shakespeare. Call the Harlequin at 555-2387.

Needed: Exotic animals of all kinds. We can take any! Call Lisa at 555-7254.

Needed: Box mover. Preferably of the Robin Hood type. Come by Whit’s End. Soon preferable to later. See Connie for details.

Wanted: Editorial assistant to class up the classified currently lacking in coolness.



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