The Odyssey Times, Vol 1, Issue 11

Excerpts from the no-longer-existent Whitsend.org feature called The Odyssey Times.

Found: Guitar. In rubble at site of new Whit’s End. Six pieces, two strings. Call Pete’s Construction Service at 555-6546.


We’re Available! We’ll be in your corner! We’ll fight for your rights. No cases is too weird. Call Crowe, Jorg, and Beeboff at 555-8482.


Come to the community meeting to protest Whit’s End Oswald Height s. Keep them out so we can get our community center! Come Thursday night at 5:00 p.m.


Wanted: Partner to juggle with. Partner who won’t break glass. Call Sarah at 555-8412.


Needed: Ear plugs. For use during Nick Mulligan’s guitar lessons. Call Lisa at 555-5361.


Needed: Guitar lessons. Nick Mulligan. I’m pretty good, but need some expertise to guide my free artist spirit. Needed: Guitar lessons. Call Nick at 555-5361.


For Nick Mulligan. He’s pretty desperate. Call Lisa at 555-5361.


Help Wanted. Just ’cause.

Found? Unknown item. Unknown dimensions. Unknown origin. Unknown where found. Call if you think that it could possibly be yours.


Please sign petition. Rats are moving out of Oswald Heights. Call 555-7823.


Help Wanted: Assistant for Gantry’s Printing Services. Must be able to typeset and work with graphical layout. Call 555-0010.


Sale on lights. All sizes. Guaranteed to last longer than the other lights we sell. Come to the Electric Palace TODAY!


Wanted: Partner to baseball with. Partner who won’t break glass. Call Alex at 555-8142. For sale: Piece of glass from scene of famous Odyssey crime. Call Rodney at 555-8124.


Needed: Models for Virtual Mingle Room. To be made into wax statues. Don’t apply unless you can stand in the same position for at least eight hours. Call Ricky at 555-NOVA.


Help Wanted: BTV Camera Grip. Needs to know what a “grip” is. Call Bernard at 555-8772.

Needed: Business to move into Carnegie and Bristol. Whit’s End moved elsewhere. Building still available. Call George Paxson at 555-2841.


Available: Pete’s Construction Service. For all your building needs. We won’t cheat you out of house and home. Call 555-2735.


Needed: Stopwatch. Must have start and stop buttons clearly intact. Simple to operate, please! Call the Harlequin at 555-4633.


Wanted: Partner to laugh with. Partner who won’t break glass. Call Rodney at 555-8124.


Needed: Homework help. Give me the address and I’ll drop it off for you to do. Call Rodney at 555-8124.


Coming soon! Free performances of the greatest works of Shakespeare. Call the Harlequin at 555-2387.


Needed: Box mover. Preferably of the Robin Hood type. Come by Whit’s End. Soon preferable to later. See Connie for details.


Wanted: Editorial assistant to class up the classified currently lacking in coolness.

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