The Odyssey Times, Vol 1, Issue 10

Excerpts from the no-longer-existent feature called The Odyssey Times.


Snow is predicted for Monday and Tuesday. More snow will fall Wednesday. Thursday will get even more snow. Friday we’ll get more of the white stuff.

Wanted: Partner to juggle with. Partner who won’t break glass. Call Sarah at 555-8412.

Needed: Day timer. Preferably with DAYS OF THE WEEK on it. See Connie at Whit’s End.

Wanted: Short-term help for Timothy Center get-together. Call Tom at 555-7844.

Needed: Ear plugs. For use during Nick Mulligan’s guitar lessons. Call Lisa at 555-5361.

Needed: Guitar lessons. Nick Mulligan. I’m pretty good, but need some expertise to guide my free artist spirit. Needed: Guitar lessons. Call Nick at 555-5361.

For Nick Mulligan. He’s pretty desperate. Call Lisa at 555-5361.

Help wanted: Build the Novacom for Kids website. Get paid to watch TV and review our programs! Call 555-NOVA.

Wanted: Personal paintings for display in Treasure Room. Exhibit locally. Call Whit’s End at 555-WHIT.

Bonanza Scratch and Dent Sale: Fireworks, some barely used! Call Electric Palace at 555-BART.

Help Wanted: Adults to supervise “Read Me a Story Time” at Mary’s Story Shop. Call the shop at 555-6279.

Needed: Judges for “freestyle standup synchronized sledding” competition on Gumper’s Hill. Call 555-8943.

Wanted: Partner to baseball with. Partner who won’t break glass. Call Alex at 555-8142.

For sale: Piece of glass from scene of famous Odyssey crime. Call Rodney at 555-8124.

Free Performance in the Park! Hamlet…with the esteemed actor Edwin Blackgaard preforming! This Saturday!

For free! Extra ice cream at Whit’s End. (We ordered too much.) Come by anytime!

Wanted: Cool name for Novacom Kids Center. We want your ideas! Call Ricky at 555-NOVA.

Needed: Models for Virtual Mingle Room. To be made into wax statues. Don’t apply unless you can stand in the same position for at least eight hours. Call Ricky at 555-NOVA.

For Sale: Banana Manny suit. In perfect condition, never used. Call Bob Larry at 555-8344.

Needed: Pencil Sharpener repair person. Mysterious object stuck in electric sharpener. Call 555-NOVA.

BTV Camera Grip. Needs to know what a “grip” is. Call Bernard at 555-8772.

Now Available at Whit’s End: Gourmet espresso. Stop by for a try!

Come to the new Bible Study. Led by Mitch and Connie. Stop by J & J Antique Gallery on Wednesday evenings.

Wanted: Partner to laugh with. Partner who won’t break glass. Call Rodney at 555-8124.

Needed: Gavel. See Connie at Whit’s End. (I know the difference between a gavel and a meat hammer.)

Needed: Homework help. Give me the address and I’ll drop it off for you to do. Call Rodney at 555-8124.

Help Wanted: Part time worker for Novacom Kids Center. Technical expertise a plus. Call Ricky at 555-NOVA.

Help Wanted: Some of the apple crop ripened early. Way early! Help pick apples. Refreshments provided. Call Tom at 555-7844.

For free! Signs that say “The W. E,” including big sign from out front. Stop by Whit’s End or call 555-9448.

Wanted: BIG band-aids. Call Hank Foufou at Foufou’s Obedience School, 555-6578.

Coming soon! Free performances of the greatest works of Shakespeare. Call the Harlequin at 555-2387.

Needed: Exotic animals of all kinds. We can take any! Call Lisa at 555-7254.

Needed: Box mover. Preferably of the Robin Hood type. Come by Whit’s End. Soon preferable to later. See Connie for details.

Wanted: Editorial assistant to class up the classified currently lacking in coolness.



The Odyssey Times, Vol 1, Issue 10

Excerpts from the no-longer-existent feature called The Odyssey Times.

The Next Generation of Whit’s End

by Jerry Phillips
Times Reporter

John Avery Whittaker announced that he will be opening another Whits End in Connellsville. The idea came from Mary Hopkins, founder of the Marys Story Shop chain, a popular childrens bookstore.

“I heard about Whits End, and how much kids loved it, so I decided I should pay a visit,” Hopkins explains. “As soon as I saw Whits End, I knew it was too good to have just one. And the people of Connellsville will be thrilled.”

Hopkins and Whittaker will be opening their businesses together in one building. They havent decided on the stores location, but they are considering the north end of town. “Were looking very closely at the intersection of Carnegie and Bristol,” Hopkins says.

Whittaker is enthusiastic about the expansion. “It was an answer to prayer for me. I was hoping for a way to reach more kids, and this seems to be a great way to do it.”

The Odyssey Times, Vol 1, Issue 10

Excerpts from the no-longer-existent feature of called The Odyssey Times.

Novacom opens Novacom Kids Center

Novacom Broadcasting officially opened the doors on its latest enterprise-the Novacom Kids Center-last week. The Kids Center incorporates a wide variety of Novacom programming into interactive displays and attractions. “Kickboxing Kids,” “Space Wars,” and “The Rex Files” all had displays related to them. Manager Ricky Mullens expressed pride in the new venture. “This will be a great opportunity for kids to just come and enjoy themselves. We’re very proud that children are going to be provided with such a high-quality entertaining environment.”

The name of the center will change in the next few weeks as the Center conducts a “Name Game” contest. Participating children who visit the center can submit their suggestions on names for the place. “We’re anticipating a lot of creativity on the contest and hope that the children have fun thinking up monikers for our place,” said Mullens, general manager of Novacom.

Some parents don’t like the “high intensity” and fast action of the games at the Kids Center, while others have commented how similar the place is to Whit’s End. John Whittaker, owner of Whit’s End, wouldn’t comment specifically on the Kids’ Center, but said that he didn’t see competition as a bad thing. “Competition can really help business and I think that the Novacom Center may force us to re-think Whit’s End,” said Whittaker.

The Odyssey Times, Vol 1, Issue 10

Excerpts from the no-longer existent feature called The Odyssey Times.

Snow cancels schools, closes businesses around Odyssey

Heavy snowfall Friday led to the first cancellation of a school day in Odyssey in nearly ten years. Many local businesses, including Finneman’s Market, Whit’s End, and the Electric Palace. City government offices remained open.

Statewide, more than half the public schools were closed Friday. Governor O. High Owens said that he would consider mandating school cancellation on Monday if the predicted weekend snow accumulates heavily. “If it’s dangerous on the roads, then our children shouldn’t be out there.” No major accidents were reported in the schools that remained open on Friday.

Odyssey children used the day to play in the record accumulation of snow. Snowmen, forts, and sculptures popped up around Odyssey and local police closed the Chatwick Hill Road to allow sled riding, while others sledded at the famous Gumper’s Hill.

Protest staged at Novacom Broadcasting turns into a riot

by Donald Hutchinson
Times Reporter

A protest against Novacom Broadcasting and their programming rapidly turned violent Thursday when demonstrators began throwing rocks, bottles, and even Novacom merchandise. Police arrived before any serious injuries resulted, but a few people sustained minor cuts and bruises. Among them was John Avery Whittaker, owner of Whit’s End, who suffered a small gash above his right eye. Whittaker has spoken out against Novacom programming on the radio and in newspaper articles and was publicized as sponsoring the event. “I had nothing to do with organizing the protest and I don’t think that breaking the law or using violence is the answer to our concerns with Novacom,” says Whittaker. “Mr. Rathbone used my picture and my words to publicize the protest with my permission.”

Rathbone, who was fined for creating a public safety hazard and trespassing, said he saw no problem with using Whittaker’s image to promote the protest. “Those Novacommies are driving this town down the drain. We have to do whatever is necessary to rid the town of them and their kind,” said Rathbone. Rathbone went on to explain that he was inspired to stage the protest when his son Rodney was suspended from school for the third time this year. “Before Novastines came to town, he never would have been suspended three times in one year,” said Rathbone. Rathbone denied that the protest had anything to do with Novacom’s refusal to carry his show idea, “What’s Wrong? Hosted by Bart Rathbone.”

Damage at Novacom was very limited according to Arthur Dent, general manager. “We had a few broken windows and some damage to the front lawn, but we’re thankful that the damage wasn’t any worse and that there were no serious injuries.” Dent said he was very sorry that Odyssey citizens felt they had to protest rather than talking civilly. “We want to know what the town thinks, but violence is not the answer,” he said. “I strongly encourage anyone who has a problem with our programming to talk to us. Any member of our audience is important to us.” Dent declined comment on Whittaker’s role in the protest.