The Nerdlies, Issue 50

Whit’s End Opens Souvenir Counter

By Kungfunaomi

It has finally happened. Whit will be away for the next month, healing after saving the world. Connie Kendall and Eugene Meltsner saw the perfect opportunity to begin selling Whit’s End souvenirs.
The pair of them retrofitted the old broom closet into the perfect souvenir counter: “The kind that is uncomfortably filled with all manner of items, and the lack of oxygen makes one experience claustrophobia,” Eugene told us, “and yet, people still purchase the overpriced mugs and magnets as if they enjoy the atmosphere.”
The mugs and magnets he mentioned are only two of the hundreds of items that have the following picture of Whit’s face on them:

Connie told us that she really likes the waffle maker that makes the waffles with an imprint of Whit’s face on them. “Especially when you put whipped cream for the moustache,” she said, “it just makes me laugh every time.”

 

 

This is the last issue of the Nerdlies! Thank you for all your support through 49 issues! Read them all here: https://odysseynerds.wordpress.com/category/the-nerdlies/

I hear you say ‘what?’ 49 issues? Well, yes, this is really issue 49. I have been doing these for six months, and only realized with issue number “50” that I am missing Issue 16. Can’t win them all! 

The Nerdlies, Issue 49

Richard Maxwell to Referee Super Bowl LII

By Kungfunaomi

Excitement is high as the Super Bowl draws near, and Odyssey’s own Richard Maxwell is participating! We had an interview with him a few hours ago, this is what he had to say:

How did you get picked to be the referee?

Richard: I ran into the real guy who was doing it and broke his – errrr, I was specially chosen for the job!

You aren’t biased in any way for one team or the other?

Richard: No, I’m not biased, I just like the Patriots better.

How will you break up any on-field fights?

Richard: Oh, you mean you’re supposed to break them up? Dang. That was my favorite part to watch on TV. Well, I guess I’ll walk over and tell them to stop fighting. 

And if that doesn’t work?

Richard: Uhhhh, then I guess I’ll say: may the best man win.

Will you have a referee outfit and a microphone?

Richard: Of course! I’ll also be singing along with Justin Timberlake during the halftime show over that mic, so be sure to tune in! I put Brian Dern in the control room so actually I will have a solo during one of the songs, Brian will just turn Justin down and turn me up. It’ll be a night to remember! 

One more question: who will be doing the coin toss before the game?

Richard: Oh, I think that was me. I have a cool Canadian penny that I want to use. 

 

 

The Nerdlies Issue 48

Dr. Blackgaard returns again!

By Kungfunaomi

Dr. Blackgaard came into Whit’s End, and after parking his puffer chair he then continued to fiddle with a furiously beating heart monitor that was set off by his prosthetic arm being too close to the sensor.
After getting straightened out, he began to declare war on humanity.
“I, Doctor Regis Blackgaard,” he announced loudly, “declare that from now on, humanity will be under my-” his dentures fell onto the floor. He deftly maneuvered his puffer chair and used an oxygen tube to pick them up.
“I, Doctor Regis Blackgaard,” he began again, “declare that humanity will by under my contr-” his wig fell into his lap. Apparently Dr. Blackgaard has had some hair troubles, and then at some point attempted to use black spray paint to mimic the missing follicles.
“Forget it,” he muttered, and puffed his way out the door. He then proceeded to puff his way up a ramp on the back of a pickup truck and one of his aides drove him away. We’ll let you know if he appears again.

The Nerdlies, Issue 46

The Newest Member of the Meltsner Family is…

By Kungfunaomi

We all know that Eugene and Katrina won’t be having kids of their own. So far they’ve substituted a teenage boy (who is not nearly as cute), and a puppy (which is almost as cute), but what could they possibly add to round it off?

BABY PANDAS! Since they feel obligated to amp the “cute” factor in their family, they have opted for four baby pandas. 

And a ridiculously cute kitten!! Still want them to have a baby? Well, they also adopted…

A TANK OF DOLPHINS!!! How could you possibly want them to have a descendant of their own flesh and blood when they have all of these ridiculously cute animals? They also adopted one more thing for Eugene’s sake…

The cutest. Amoeba. Ever.