Odyssey Fans Sprinting Through Streets
Because of the recent airing of new episodes from Album 63, fans have been taking to the streets from the phenomena known as “spontaneti exerci episodus“. In other words, fans are taking spontaneous exercise after listening to a good episode of Adventures in Odyssey.
This phenomena has been observed to start right about when a listener hears Darkness Before Dawn. The listener then finds him or herself running around outside, or perhaps pacing in the shower, for a good while until they calm down and listen to the next episode. Adventures in Odyssey fans have never been cleaner.
So, with the airing of Album 63 episodes every Saturday, fans have been taking to the streets yet again, and the city’s water bill is doubling with all the showers they are taking. We will keep you updated with the latest.
Emily Jones revealed to be Darth Sidious
Sources confirmed Wednesday that Emily Jones is the dark lord of the Sith, Darth Sidious. It was discovered when Emily got angry at Jay, and unleashed her powers of blue static. Instead of trying to hide her actual identity, she donned the black cloak of the Sith.
The confrontation with Jay happened when Jay insisted that he was a better detective than Matthew and Emily put together. Emily responded by saying, “Your arrogance blinds you, youngling. Now you will experience the full power of the dark side.”
After zapping Jay, she beckoned to Matthew to follow her. “Come, my young apprentice,” she said slowly, “a powerful sith you will become.”
Whit’s “Bold” shirt has confusion around name
Mr. Whittaker opened up Whit’s end on Monday, wearing his freshly printed “Bold” t-shirt. He wore it in support of the Odyssey Community Church’s youth group project, “Bold”, which means they are being bold and attempting to raise money for camp this year. They sold Mr. Whittaker a shirt to make a profit of three dollars, and then Mr. Whittaker encouraged them to go find people they don’t actually know.
Upon her arrival at work, Connie asked Mr. Whittaker, “Why does your shirt say Be Old, Whit? You’re not that bad!”
Whit gently corrected her on the meaning of the shirt, and resumed his work. Later, it was reported that Eugene walked in and asked why Mr. Whittaker’s shirt says “Bald”.
Mr. Whittaker decided in the long run to not be so bold, and he handed the shirt to one of our news team. We had a burial party for it.
Excerpts from the no-longer-existent Whitsend.org feature called The Odyssey Times.
|Found: Guitar. In rubble at site of new Whit’s End. Six pieces, two strings. Call Pete’s Construction Service at 555-6546.
We’re Available! We’ll be in your corner! We’ll fight for your rights. No cases is too weird. Call Crowe, Jorg, and Beeboff at 555-8482.
Come to the community meeting to protest Whit’s End Oswald Height s. Keep them out so we can get our community center! Come Thursday night at 5:00 p.m.
Wanted: Partner to juggle with. Partner who won’t break glass. Call Sarah at 555-8412.
Needed: Ear plugs. For use during Nick Mulligan’s guitar lessons. Call Lisa at 555-5361.
Needed: Guitar lessons. Nick Mulligan. I’m pretty good, but need some expertise to guide my free artist spirit. Needed: Guitar lessons. Call Nick at 555-5361.
For Nick Mulligan. He’s pretty desperate. Call Lisa at 555-5361.
Help Wanted. Just ’cause.
||Found? Unknown item. Unknown dimensions. Unknown origin. Unknown where found. Call if you think that it could possibly be yours.
Please sign petition. Rats are moving out of Oswald Heights. Call 555-7823.
Help Wanted: Assistant for Gantry’s Printing Services. Must be able to typeset and work with graphical layout. Call 555-0010.
Sale on lights. All sizes. Guaranteed to last longer than the other lights we sell. Come to the Electric Palace TODAY!
Wanted: Partner to baseball with. Partner who won’t break glass. Call Alex at 555-8142. For sale: Piece of glass from scene of famous Odyssey crime. Call Rodney at 555-8124.
Needed: Models for Virtual Mingle Room. To be made into wax statues. Don’t apply unless you can stand in the same position for at least eight hours. Call Ricky at 555-NOVA.
Help Wanted: BTV Camera Grip. Needs to know what a “grip” is. Call Bernard at 555-8772.
||Needed: Business to move into Carnegie and Bristol. Whit’s End moved elsewhere. Building still available. Call George Paxson at 555-2841.
Available: Pete’s Construction Service. For all your building needs. We won’t cheat you out of house and home. Call 555-2735.
Needed: Stopwatch. Must have start and stop buttons clearly intact. Simple to operate, please! Call the Harlequin at 555-4633.
Wanted: Partner to laugh with. Partner who won’t break glass. Call Rodney at 555-8124.
Needed: Homework help. Give me the address and I’ll drop it off for you to do. Call Rodney at 555-8124.
Coming soon! Free performances of the greatest works of Shakespeare. Call the Harlequin at 555-2387.
Needed: Box mover. Preferably of the Robin Hood type. Come by Whit’s End. Soon preferable to later. See Connie for details.
Wanted: Editorial assistant to class up the classified currently lacking in coolness.